American Identity
photo by Star Bulletin
When you grow up in a society where mainstream society doesn’t represent or look like you, you will question your own identity. Such was my case.
Growing up I always wondered what and how it would be like to be White and not Filipino. While I didn’t hate how I looked, I did however prefer to be the “other” dominant race. Think about it? Any child would prefer it. Just imagine not being ask constantly what your “nationality” is. And when you say your “nationality” is American, then the next comment will be, “No, what I meant was where are you from?”
So to save yourself from further discussion, you tell them that your Filipino. Yes, when you are White in America, you are never asked what your nationality is or where you are from, even if you have a very thick Eastern European accent. It was just the way it was when I was growing up.
As a school aged and a teenager of color, I was always reminded of who and what I was. My parents reminded me that I shouldn’t try to act too American because I’m Filipino. American society also reminded me that I’m not really fully American because of the way I look.
To make matters worse, I also got the hypothetical question that went something like this, “If America goes to war against the Philippines, who would you fight for?” So, somehow because of the way I look, my loyalty was suspect. Of course my friends who were Irish, Polish, and Jewish were never asked the same question because since they are White, it was assumed that they are American and their loyalty and patriotism was never in questioned.
Ironically, I thought I wouldn’t go through the same experience when I lived in the Philippines for two years. While I certainly fit in because of my appearance, I immediately felt that culturally and emotionally, I wasn’t really Filipino. My students, friends, and relatives confirmed my notion when they stated that I act too much like an American.
What a dilemma, huh? So the identity crisis continued!
Fortunately, now that I’m older and more secured with who I am, I’m no longer at the state of confusion. I acknowledge and respect my Filipinoness and I will never deny myself of my parents’ culture. But in my years of searching, I have discovered that I’m an American first and foremost.
I think, act, and feel American. Yes, I was raised with Filipino culture and values but what I’ve discovered is that those same Filipino values have been mixed with American values. Consequently, as a benefit of my experience, my children do not have to feel confused about their own identity. They look Filipino and even speak the Filipino language but their thoughts, feelings, and culture is very American. Even my wife who is born and raised in the Philippines is very American.
This just goes to show that no matter how sometimes some Americans are not very accepting of differences and diversity, America itself as a whole is welcoming. America has a knack of taking everything in the world and making it her own, thus enabling herself to constantly evolve for the better. And, as long as America serves as the land of opportunity and freedom, new immigrants and their children will also experience the same identity crisis. But no matter how you slice it, these same people will be woven into the American fabric who help create a safety blanket for new people in search of new and better life.
